Understanding Self-Control, a skill must for Success in Life

If you cannot control yourself and your emotions, you cannot succeed in life. Understanding Self-control is very important. Let us look what we can control.

Self-control is often used to describe a favorable character trait in people. The word is used frequently, but what exactly is Self-control, and why is it important? Let us today try and understand self-control in detail and also we will understand what we can control and what we cannot control. So let us start with understanding the meaning of Self-control.

Understanding Self-control:

Dictionary Meaning:

the ability to control oneself, in particular one’s emotions and desires, especially in difficult situations.

In other words, Self-Control is an ability to monitor and regulate one’s own emotions and desires in any tempting situations. It is also an ability to regulate and follow one’s own thoughts under any circumstances.

Quotes on Understanding Self-control:

The difference between want and need is self-control.
When you have control over your thoughts, you have control over your life.
Knowing yourself is Wisdom, controlling yourself is Strength.

Benefits of Practicing Self-control:

Benefits of Understanding Self-control

What we can control:

There are so many things and emotions which we all can control, yet we all think and discuss rather get upset about what we cannot control. So here is the list detailing what we can control.

This list is just an example of things that we can control, in addition,  you can create your own list of things and emotions which you can control on the basis of this list.

  • Your Thoughts
  • Your Attitude
  • Best utilization of your time
  • Your Mindset
  • Your Beliefs
  • What you put in and what you bring out of your mouth
  • Your Feelings
  • How many times you Smile in a day
  • Saying Thank You
  • Attentive Listening
  • Trying new things and learning new skills
  • Grateful for things and people you have
  • How much information you share with people
  • Stop Judging
  • Your Reaction to everything

What about the things which we cannot control and what to do for those things:

Lest us first see the example of things in this category:

  • Other People’s Thoughts
  • If People Likes or dislikes you
  • The passing of time
  • How other people treats you
  • The outside situation, like the current Pandemic
  • Other People’s actions
  • Other People’s beliefs and thoughts
  • Whether people like, love, understand or accept you
  • The exact outcome of anything
  • When you will Die

Now if you carefully read this list, you will understand that these things are either universal truths or are in control of other people whom you interact with. So here you need to understand that you cannot control universal truths and you cannot control hundreds of people with whom you interact. In fact, you cannot control a single person. What is in your hand is your reaction, your attitude for those things, or people whom you cannot control.

Here I would advise you to read a post of mine which talks about Bad News and Good News in Life, here is the link:

Bad News and Good News in Life

Understanding Self-control, Conclusion and Way Forward:

By far we have understood what is Self-control, benefits of practicing Self-control. In addition to that we have also seen in life, there are many things which we can control and we need not have to worry about what we cannot control.

Now the next thing which comes in mind is that how to practice Self-control. For Self-control, the most important thing is Willpower, so along with other ways to improve and build Self-control, we will discuss in detail about Willpower in the next post.

Understand resilience, its attributes and your own score

In the current pandemic situation, it is important to build resiliency. So today let us understand resilience, its attributes and our resiliency score.

In this current pandemic situation, it is very important for all of us to improve our emotional resiliency. Emotional Resiliency will not only help in surviving this situation but also help us in thriving in this situation. So today let us understand what is resilience, its attributes and our own resiliency score.

Meaning of Resilience:

Dictionary meaning of resilience:

The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness. or
The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.

Lets us understand meaning of resilience further:

Resilience is the process of adapting well,
in the face of adversity,
threats or
significant sources of stress such as family and
relationship problems,
serious health problems or 
workplace and
financial stress.
It means, “Bouncing back” from difficult experiences. Also
It means comeback from a Setback.

In other words, we are talking about our ability to handle life, in all its unpredictable difficult situation, without falling off, or hurting ourselves in the process.

Few Quotes to Understand Resilience in further detail:

Life doesn’t get easier or more forgiving; we get stronger and more resilient.

It’s your reaction to adversity, not adversity itself that determines how your life’s story will develop.

Resilience is very different than being numb. Resilience means you experience, you feel, you fail, you hurt, you fall. But, you keep going.
― Yasmin Mogahed

In conclusion, That which does not kill us makes us stronger.
― Friedrich Nietzsche

Let us Understand Resilience and attributes of Resilient people:

  • They not only maintain a positive outlook, but also envision brighter days ahead.
  • Resilient people have solid purpose or goals in life, and a desire to achieve the same.
  • Resilient people are empathetic and compassionate however,
  • They don’t waste time worrying what others think of them.
  • Above all, People with emotional awareness understand what they’re feeling and why. Moreover,
  • They also understand the feelings of others better because they are more in touch with their own inner life.
  • Resilient people also see the positives in most situations and believe in their strength.
  • Resilient people never think of themselves as victims. Above all they focus their time and energy on changing the things that they have control over.

Know your Resiliency Score:

Instructions for the test:

  1. Read the question carefully and,
  2. Answer the question with honesty.
  3. Answer according to your first choice as soon as you read the question.
  4. Rate yourself from 1 to 5 (1 = strongly disagree; 5 = strongly agree)
  5. Keep adding points for each question to know your resiliency score.

I often feel like I have control over what happens to me.

I do not worry about issues that I have no control over.

Feelings of anger and discouragement do not last long.

I can overcome painful childhood memories and lessen their impact on my behavior.

I am emotionally very strong.

When one attempt fails, I do not get discouraged and I learn from it and change my approach next time.

I am able to discuss my job and its challenges with people outside of work, such as family members and close friends.

Above all, I am normally optimistic and see difficulties as opportunities.

When going through a difficult period, I have a tendency to focus on the good things in my life that help me blossom.

I try to control events rather than being a victim of circumstances.

Interpretation of the score:

  • Less than 20: Low Resilience
  • 21 – 30: Some Resilience
  • 31 – 40: Adequate Resilience
  • 41 – 50: High Resilience  

Conclusion and Key Notes:

So far we have understood what Resilience means and what are the attributes of Resilience people. We also know where are we in terms of our resiliency score.

However, you need not have to worry if you have scored low in the test, because you can build and improve your resiliency score. You can learn this skill and how you can learn this, we will discuss that in my next post.

Till then thanks and you can read below post to know yourself better.

Know and understand yourself… Self-Awareness

Self-Discipline, How to bring discipline in Life

Understand Resilience
We as a human also need to do this. Resiliency will help us in thriving in the difficult time.

To know progress in your life, ask these questions

Do you want to know progress in your life. What you have achieved so far and what more is needed. I have a list of questions for you to know this.

Do you want to know progress in your life. What you have achieved so far and what more is needed. I have a list of questions for you so that you can understand this.

Check progress of your life by answering these questions to yourself.

Please follow below instructions so that this post will be effective for you to know progress in your life:

  • Read the question slowly and carefully and
  • Take a pause after each question and
  • Try to answer the same in your mind and
  • then analyze the answer in your mind and
  • then go to the next question.

Dreams of Life and Goal Setting:

  • If there is 100 % guarantee of success what you will try in life?
  • Is this only fear of failure who is stopping you?
  • What is my definition of success and what is my plan to achieve the same?
  • If I had a magic wand, what will be my top three wishes?
  • Now ask yourself why can’t you achieve these wishes without magic wand?

Maintaining Relationship:

  • Am I holding on to something, which I should let go?
  • How many people are happy just because of me?
  • What are you doing to invest in your relationship?
  • Am I a good listener? If not, how can I become good listener?
  • Do I appreciate people enough?

Take care of yourself:

  • Do I love and care of myself enough?
  • Do I celebrate my small success and achievements?
  • AM I having enough fun in my life?
  • Am I living my passion?

Knowing Growth meter of my Life:

  • Am I trying to come out of comfort zone?
  • Am I just going through life or growing through life?
  • Should I worry about the things, which are not in my control?
  • What steps I am taking to solve the problems, which are in my control?
  • Am I living because I have born, or I am born to live?

Social Responsibility:

  • What I am doing to make life better for next generation?
  • Am I utilizing natural resources optimally?
  • Can my next generation have a better life than mine?
  • Am I taking care of environment and my surroundings?

This exercise of asking questions need to be repeated at a regular interval to know progress in your life so that you can track the same.

If you want to read and understand more on how to come out of comfort zone then click here
Comfort Zone

How to become Self-Aware, 7 steps guide

Knowing and understanding ourselves is a difficult process,so today let us understand how to become self-aware by step by step guidance.

In my previous post on Know and understand yourself… Self-Awareness we have understood the meaning of Self-awareness, what are the things which we should be aware of, what are the benefits of self-awareness. So today let us understand how to become self-aware. what is the process of becoming self-aware.

Step 1: Self-Reflection

Whenever someone do something that seems to be particularly annoying or irritating you, ask yourself: Could this be a reflection of something in me that I dislike? Do I do some version of that?

Step 2: Goal Settings

Plan out your goals so they turn from ideas into a step-by-step process. Break down your larger goal into mini-goals so it seems less overwhelming. Once your focus will be on your Goals your thought will revolve around that and you will become more self-aware.

Step 3: Take help from your friends

Ask a trusted friend to describe you. Allow your friends to feel safe while they are giving you an informal yet honest view.

Step 4: Meditation

Meditation is the practice of improving your mindful awareness. A regular mindfulness practice will open your eyes to how the thinking mind works and how much more there is to you than the mere content of your thoughts.

Step 5: Seek feedback about yourself

Here’s a question: How often do you deliberately seek out feedback about yourself?
because good feedback is one of the fastest and most effective ways to grow and improve ourselves.

Step 6: Be in the present moment

learn how to live in the present moment, learn to stop worrying about the future or the past. You can be completely in the moment and focus on what is happening to you at present.

Step 7: Develop new skills

Just like traveling forces us to become more self-aware by throwing us into new situations, learning something new increases self-awareness by forcing us to think and act in new ways.


Self-awareness is simply the capacity to observe our selves—to take notice of and pay attention to patterns within our thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. And it’s a skill that we all have.

It’s not easy to develop this level of introspection. Most people are afraid to be truly honest with themselves about their strengths, weaknesses, and current challenges. But if you implement the ideas that are outlined in this post, then you’ll develop a level of self-awareness that will help you grow as a person.

Know and understand yourself… Self-Awareness

Before you try to understand others, It is very important to know and understand yourself. This article will help you to know and understand yourself.

In today’s world, people spend more time judging others, rather than spending time in knowing and understanding ourselves. So today let us spend good 10 minutes reading this post which will enable you to know and understand yourself.


Dictionary Meaning: conscious knowledge of one’s own character and feelings.

Self-awareness is the ability to take an honest look at our life without any attachment to it being right or wrong, good or bad.

Self-awareness is our capacity to stand apart from ourselves and examine our thinking, our motives, our history, our scripts, our actions, and our habits and tendencies. – Stephen Covey

What we should know and understand about ourselves:

  • What am I good or bad at?
  • and What makes me tired or energized?
  • How much sleep do I need?
  • What is the most important thing in my life?
  • What makes me afraid?
  • Who are the most important people in my life?
  • What stresses me out and what relaxes me?
  • and what makes me sad; happy or angry?
  • What’s my definition of success?
  • and what’s my definition of happiness?
  • What type of worker am I?
  • What type of person do I want to be?
  • How do I want others to see me?
  • What type of friend do I want to be?
  • What do I think about myself?

Benefits of being self-aware or knowing and understanding ourselves:

Being self-aware is really an awesome place to be, and there are multiple benefits of knowing and understanding ourselve. Some of the benefits are:

  • It helps you live a happier, more fulfilling, and genuine life.
  • You will be able to act consciously instead of reacting to people and events.
  • The ability to genuinely love yourself.
  • Being genuinely happy rather than pretending you are.
  • Greater depth of experience and enjoyment of life.
  • You start to understand your subconscious and why you think the way you think.
  • You will be able to control the negative thoughts and will think more positively.
  • The ability to make your dreams come true.
  • You will become solution-oriented rather than problems oriented.
  • You will become more honest with yourself and others.
  • Being the real you.
  • You become a much nicer person when you become self-aware
  • Living courageously and without limits.
  • You don’t suffer from regrets.
  • You know what you want and when you know what you want you won’t be a frustrated person.
  • Your decision making will improve.
  • You will have inner peace.

So till now we have understood, what is self-awareness, what are the things we should know about ourselves and the benefits of being self-aware. Now the bigger question arises is how to become Self-aware. We will discuss about that in the next post in length.

Know and Understand yourself
and lets start the journey today itself

Till then you can read my other post on the Self Series, below are the links: