July 11

Knowing what is Fear is important than how to overcome

As the heading itself suggest that Knowing what is fear is important than how to overcome fear. We will focus today on understanding what is fear.

Meaning of Fear:

Dictionary meaning of Fear:
“An unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm”

Here two important word that you need to note is “Emotion” and “threat”. Therefore, fear is an emotion and it is caused by a threat, which means that the event has not happened and even the actual happening or not happening of the event is not even certain.

Fear is nothing but a story, which we tell ourselves over and over again.

Knowing what is Fear and Understanding it in detail:

Consider a Situation; if someone sticks a gun in your face, you will most likely have a lot of fear because you are imagining what he or she will do and what the effect will be for you.

Now consider the second situation; if you are feared in general that just walking down the street that someone will pull a gun on you?

Let us evaluate both the situation and understand the fear,

In the first situation, Danger is in front of you and you are imagining the outcome of this, which may happen at any time.

Whereas in the second situation nothing has happened, you are not only imagining the outcome, moreover, you are imagining the Cause itself i.e. Danger.

In our life most of the time our fear is of the second category.

One more perspective which will help you in knowing what is fear:

We do not touch fire, why, are we afraid of fire or we know that we will burn our hand if we touch fire. Try to understand the difference in both the scenario; I am trying to simplify the thing, which we often confuse. So not touching the fire is not due to fear, here the danger is real and we know that we will burn our hand if we touch fire.

Reason of Fear:

You need to understand we are not afraid of the situation, we are afraid of the outcome of the situation.
Let us understand this, Say for example someone says He/ she is afraid of heights, this means that they are not afraid of heights, they are afraid of the outcome, what if they will fall down. Again, the outcome is not universal truth like in the example of fire; it is just imaginary, which only born in our mind.

Let us further evaluate this understanding; here is the list of Top Ten Fears in the Life:

Change
Loneliness
Failure
Rejection
Uncertainty
Something Bad Happening
Getting Hurt
Being Judged
Inadequacy
Death

Read more about these fears in this link. Moreover, once you read about these fears in details, you will understand that these are just created in our own mind in some imaginary situations while we think of some future outcome.

What I am trying to demonstrate here is that all these fears are “Fears” because we are afraid of the outcome. The outcome is a future thing, so understand that Fear is born due to our thinking of Future outcomes.

Let us go back to our example and understand Fear in some more details:

Now let us go back to our example, where someone put a Gun on your face. Here we are facing our Fear, which fears, which we were imagining that what if someone pulls a gun on my face. If we are facing our fear then why we are afraid of.

Here you need to understand that, we do not fear as a result of someone has put a gun on our face, we cannot be afraid of that because that is happening in the present. Then why and what are we fearing for. Here we are afraid of another imaginary outcome, which is Death. What if he will shoot me dead?

Overcoming Fear:

As at the start I have told you that Knowing what is Fear is important than how to overcome it. So I am not giving you any tips to overcome a particular fear as your fear is different from my fear, I will give you a general principle to overcome fear.

When we will detach ourselves from the Outcome / Results (which is future) and focus on the Task (which is the present) we will not be afraid of anything.

Bhagavad Gita also say Karm Karo fal ki chinta mat karo.

Bhagavad Gita 2.47 translation: “You have control over performing your act, but you are not entitled to the fruits of action. Never be a slave to the outcome of an act but still, you should not be demotivated to perform your action.

If we follow this principle, we will not be afraid of the outcome and once our focus will shift from Outcome to Action or performing duties, fear will automatically disappear.

Conclusion: Knowing what is Fear is important than how to overcome

Let us conclude the topic with few wonderful quotes:

“Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem to be more afraid of life than death.”
— James F. Byrnes

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.”
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.”

Read my post on Self-Awareness

July 9

Everyday habits that drain your energy

Everyday habits that drain your energy

1. Taking things personally.
2. Holding on to the past.
3. Over-stressing.
4. Sleeping in late.
5. Having a poor diet.
6. Complaining all the time.
7. Overthinking.
8. Gossiping.
9. Not living in the moment.
10. Trying to please everyone. 

How to deal with negative feelings:

  1. Exercise.
  2. Go for a walk.
  3. Breathe deeply.
  4. Do something creative.
  5. Read.
  6. Write.
  7. Listen to music.
  8. Phone a friend.
  9. Think of a beautiful moment, place or holiday.
  10. Pamper yourself.
  11. Play with a pet.

Watch this Video to know how to change your habits:

https://youtu.be/elDWdI-90ZQ

July 7

Why we do not ask questions, Analysis of reasons and solutions

In my previous post The Art of questioning, why we should ask question, we have discussed on some facts about the art of questioning and its benefits. So today let us analyze the reason why we do not ask questions and the possible solutions for the same.

There are two main reasons why we do not ask questions or why we lack curiosity.

  1. Personal
  2. Environmental or Upbringing

Personal: Let us analyze the personal reason in details

1. Fear: one of the main reason why we do not ask questions

Fear of what other people think, fear of what if I have asked a dumb question, people may laugh at me.

Solution: “Face your Fear”.
Yes, it is easy to say than doing it. However, we need to face our fear. If you fear to ask questions in a public forum. Then you can start developing the habit of asking questions in a smaller set of people, or you can start in a one-to-one conversation.
All I am trying to say is that we need to start developing a habit of asking questions; once it will be part of our habit we will start asking questions at the public forum also. In addition, once you start asking questions, your logical thinking will improve and you will start asking more logical and wonderful questions, which will benefit not only you but also people at large.

2. Ego: Why we do not ask questions because we have ego

If this is the case then it is a bit dangerous, as fighting with fear is much easier than fighting with Ego. We do not ask questions when we think we know it all. Moreover, if you really know it all then you should be on the other side of the table. However, you do not know it all, you have no fear but still, you are not asking questions because of your status and ego then it is very dangerous.

Solution: As we already know, asking questions makes us humble, so here also the solution is asking questions only. If in the public forum you do not want to ask questions because of your Ego, do not ask. Ask the question to the presenter in a break one-on-one, but ask. Once you start asking questions in this way you will understand that you do not know all things, there are a lot many things to learn, this will make you humble, and you will start asking questions in public forums also.

3. Shyness:

There are people who have a very good question to ask but still, they do not ask because they are too shy and they do not want attention.

Solution: These types of people need some practice and preparation so they need to do is:

  • Decide that you will speak up at least once during a meeting.
  • Give yourself a reward, if you will ask a question in today’s forum or discussion or meeting you will buy this.
  • Eliminate your negative thoughts and ask questions by the closing your eyes when you are alone.
  • Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy.
  • Do not allow your inner critic to put you down.

4. Other People are not asking:

Wah, what a reason for not asking questions.
Solution: If other people are not asking questions it could be they are falling under any of the above categories or they really do not have anything to ask, but that does not mean that you will not ask any questions.

These are the few basic personal reasons why people do not ask questions especially when they are at the public forum.

Environmental or Upbringing: Yes this affects our mindset and become main reason why we do not ask questions

Now let us understand this:

1. Discouragement by parents:

As a parent, we sometimes discourage our child for asking so many questions and sometimes we even punish them for asking questions in front of Guests or when we are at any public place. Therefore, the upbringing of a child plays a major role. We should not kill the curiosity of a child.

2. Our Education System:

After upbringing, the second reason is our primary education system. We often get complains from a teacher in a Parent-Teacher Meeting that your child is asking so many questions. We need to understand that which is the normal scenario, asking questions, or being silent. Rather than this complaint, there should be a complaint that your child is not asking anything in class.

3. Your Friends:

Then comes the third reason, before you become mature enough to understand the importance of asking questions and learning. Your friends, relatives, and companions with whom you spend most of the time, these people easily influence us. They control how we think, how we act or react. We start behaving in a particular way and we become like them. Therefore, if they discouraged our habit of questioning, slowly we stop asking questions and our curiosity is killed.

Conclusion and some thoughts:

I believe these are the main reason why we are not challenging the status quo, why we do not ask questions, why our curiosity is killed.

Therefore, we need to work toward this and change our way of thinking so that we can develop a habit of asking questions in our child, students, or our friends. It is our responsibility, our social responsibility.

Having said all that, while we have to get better at asking questions, it is also equally important to be in an environment, which fosters the culture of asking questions and giving encouraging answers. Below are a few pointers on how to achieve this:

  • Do not make fun of others or shame them for asking questions.
  • It is perfectly fine to not know the answer to everything.
  • Be humble in accepting the above fact.
  • Encourage people to ask questions.
  • Learn new things while discovering answers to unknown questions.
  • Encourage your kids to ask questions and answer their questions nicely.
  • Share your learning

Let us encourage people for asking questions and let us make a good environment for people to ask questions.

July 6

Mathematics of Life, Learn from Math symbols

Let us today understand the mathematics of Life or learning about life from Mathematics. Will talk on few most used symbols in Mathematics and try to apply the same in life.

1. Additions (+):

Let us understand what we should add in our life:

  1. Value: Add richness and value to your own life by adding value to the lives around you.
  2. Laughter: Even while you are, working hard to simplify your life and dealing with serious things look for opportunities to laugh with your whole heart.
  3. Meaning: Spend some time trying to sort out what is important in your life and why it is important.
  4. Gratitude: Express your gratitude aloud. Be grateful for everything you have.
  5. Kindness: Be kind to yourself and to others. Kindness does not cost anything.
  6. Patience: As you simplify your life, be patient with the people in your life who aren’t there yet
  7. Skills: Add new skills and keep sharpening your skills.
  8. Joy: Find little things that bring you great joy.
  9. Challenge: Add challenges in your life; Keep doing new challenging things, which will make your life interesting.
  10. Meditation: Do meditation and exercise to keep yourself mentally and physically fit.

2. Subtractions (-):

We should remove
Fear | Regret | Comparison | Negativity | Past | Complaining |Overspending |Sorrow
From our life.

3. Division (÷):

We should share
Happiness | Time | Problems | Stress | Worries
With our loved one, so that we should not feel alone and should not feel depressed.

4. Multiplication (X):

We should try to multiply
Relationships | Experience | Knowledge | Positivity | Fitness | Self-Worth
In our life.

5. Greater Than (>):

This is very important symbol in Maths and in our life also, let us evaluate this:

  1. What we have is > what we are lacking
  2. What we can control is > what we cannot control
  3. Your experience is > your problems
  4. What is within yourself is > what is outside
  5. Your positivity is > other people’s negativity
  6. Your self-worth should be > your net-worth

Conclusion:

If we will apply these learning from Mathematics in our life , then Equation of our Life will be balanced and perfect.

In my next post we will learn about life from mathematics problem solving principles.

To read more on Gratitude read my below posts:

Meaning of Gratitude and things we take for granted

Gratitude in our Life Analysis with few Questions

Learn from Mathematics
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July 4

To know progress in your life, ask these questions

Do you want to know progress in your life. What you have achieved so far and what more is needed. I have a list of questions for you so that you can understand this.

Check progress of your life by answering these questions to yourself.

Please follow below instructions so that this post will be effective for you to know progress in your life:

  • Read the question slowly and carefully and
  • Take a pause after each question and
  • Try to answer the same in your mind and
  • then analyze the answer in your mind and
  • then go to the next question.

Dreams of Life and Goal Setting:

  • If there is 100 % guarantee of success what you will try in life?
  • Is this only fear of failure who is stopping you?
  • What is my definition of success and what is my plan to achieve the same?
  • If I had a magic wand, what will be my top three wishes?
  • Now ask yourself why can’t you achieve these wishes without magic wand?

Maintaining Relationship:

  • Am I holding on to something, which I should let go?
  • How many people are happy just because of me?
  • What are you doing to invest in your relationship?
  • Am I a good listener? If not, how can I become good listener?
  • Do I appreciate people enough?

Take care of yourself:

  • Do I love and care of myself enough?
  • Do I celebrate my small success and achievements?
  • AM I having enough fun in my life?
  • Am I living my passion?

Knowing Growth meter of my Life:

  • Am I trying to come out of comfort zone?
  • Am I just going through life or growing through life?
  • Should I worry about the things, which are not in my control?
  • What steps I am taking to solve the problems, which are in my control?
  • Am I living because I have born, or I am born to live?

Social Responsibility:

  • What I am doing to make life better for next generation?
  • Am I utilizing natural resources optimally?
  • Can my next generation have a better life than mine?
  • Am I taking care of environment and my surroundings?

This exercise of asking questions need to be repeated at a regular interval to know progress in your life so that you can track the same.

If you want to read and understand more on how to come out of comfort zone then click here
Comfort Zone